- Q: Does it
ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do
the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. - Q: Will I be
able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking - Q: I want to
walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water... - Q: Is it safe
to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. - Q: It is imperative
that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.
(Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one. - Q: Are there
any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of Brisbane,
Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?(UK)
A: Hey, what did your last slave die of? - Q: Can you
give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. - Q: Which direction
is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. - Q: Can I bring
cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. - Q: Can you
send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. - Q: Do you have
perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink. - Q: I have developed
a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can
sell it in Australia(USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. - Q: Can I wear
high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right? - Q: Can you
tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than
the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs. - Q: Do you celebrate
Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas. - Q: Are there
killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them. - Q: Are there
supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal. - Q: Please send
a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes, like taipans, blacks & adders, are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. - Q: I have a
question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It is a kind of bear and lives in trees.
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and scratch & bite anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine, purchased at the pharmacy, before you go out walking. - Q: I was in
Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I
was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. - Q: Will I be
able to speek (sic) English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.